My_self-analisis

Incertainty

2010-02-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

What to do? What to do? What to do to be happy?
Life has taken on a dull color to me over the last year. I must confess, routine kills the motivation and saps the inspiration out of me.
Im admit, Im naturally a very laid back person. Love staying home, having my fixed ministry with nothing to upset it or surprise me. But even for me after awhile this can get to be quite enough!!!
I feel like breathing new air!!! I feel like the air im breathing is stale and old!!! I need to do somethingwith my life!!! Have goals!! Acomplishments!! Feel self-sufficient in life! learn to depend on nobody but myself and The Lord. I want to put my gifts and talents to good use! I want to derive pleasure from reaching excelence!!!
I want to go to europe!! thats my dream!! I want to study so many things.....but cant decide which brach of art to go for first........... incertainty is killing me.

2010

2010-02-02T06:02:00.000-08:00

I know, it seems like forever has passed since I deserted this blog.
So many things have happened over this year, its would take to long to express, if it were possible.
Most of which took place within that invisible world which is my mind.
So many joys, so many sorrows. A pot-full of topsy-turvy emotions, which for the most part stayed pent up inside.
My joy in life this last year and source of fulfillment has been Iris. Thank God for her, she has been my lifesaver this year and most of those joys over the past year are attributed to her.
A picture can paint a thousand words and I have many to share with the world. As you who know me probably know, Id love to share them all with you.
Im a big fan of my little red-head and never tire of showing her off. Her every smile and look is a joy to me, so much so, thats its hard to remember that this is an excitement only a mother can feel. So Ill try to be moderate and choose among my many albums of pictures a few thatll bring you up to date.
P.S;By the way they arent necessarily in the right order.

After Bath Pics

2009-07-23T17:03:00.000-07:00

Bells

2009-07-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

BELLS

Bells, intoning God's midnight peace,
owl trembles, whilst my lover sleeps

Lullabying, enotations clear and dull
Heartstrings linked and joined upon its toll

Creatures of the night while we surcease
thrive within your darkened realm of peace

Harmonizing, your chaotic timbers
Urging, coaxing me to dream,...and yet I linger.

---Mawiee---

inspired from Micheal Pianos instrumental," Bells"

Happy Fathers Day!

2009-06-20T19:26:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Father's Day, so I thought Id stop and dedicate a few words to my choice daddy (meaning no disrespect to my own) ......this ones for Agu. Theres nothing I think, that makes a girl fall faster in love, than knowing that someone loves u so much that he wants you to be the mother of his children. -Not to mention the security in your relationship. Of course Im not talking about those passing moods that guys can feel one day and forget about the next. .. Agu persisted, till he finally convinced me that his were genuine...Agus the sweetest daddy and I love him with all my heart...for some reason.....(I know this isnt appropriate to mention on a fathers day post) Iris still doest like him so much..much to his frustration...but I guess in time shell become a reall daddys' princess and he'll lose no oportunity to take her on every such age-appropriate adventure. Today it was so cute...I went out for about half an hour to the supermrket, and when Icame back I was delighted to find Iris in a wonderfull mood grinning from ear to ear while daddy gave her a bath..she loves baths...(I thought Id find her howling histerically like she had the last two nights when i was sick and Agu tried to take her) but I guess he thought ahead of a resoursefull way that shed have fun with him...and it worked! Anyway, i think u all figured Im reall proud of my daddy...hes so unique....Im sure all u women think so of ur own, but for me its hard to believe.

Misfortune

2009-05-14T17:05:00.000-07:00

Circumstances brought you back again
Misfortune, oft before
I was made privy to the pain
you bring with you once more

Providence I pray may keep me
from the guest I dread foremost,
from the fear of loss so wretched
that comes to all who are your host

What will you take from me now?
I hardly dare to wonder
for precious things are best kept hid
from such your greedy hunger.

It isnt pearls I keep from you
nor diamonds at their best
Tis only a copper-headed treasure
that I hold close to my breast

It isnt jewelry wrought in gold
inlaid with choisest ruby
and yet its worth is yet untold
theres naught that mean more to me

Theres virtue in her rainbow eyes
life heaves warm within her chest
and from her sunshine smile exudes
a candid innocence.

Cookie's bday!!

2009-05-04T12:25:00.000-07:00

Cookie had his b-day party this Saturday. All the children went over to McDonalds while I decorated the cake for him. Cookie absolutely loves cars.....of all shapes and sizes, just saying the word car gives him the shivers...LOL!! So when he went to Isaacs bday party and they brought out the cake with little figures from the movie CARS on it, he burst into tears and ran to Vera ............"my cake is never gonna be that good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So I thought that the least I could do for my little pupil was to decorate him an even cooler car cake........here are the results........of course when we sang happy bday to him he ran for his life and we had to drag him back to blow out the candle LOL!!! his favorite color is green by the way..........the alternative to pink........huahua!

Polish Fairytales

2009-04-30T15:56:00.001-07:00

Nadia( almost 3) tells the following fairytale:

"once upon a time there lived a ....pwince
(trumpet): CHAN-CHARRAN!!!! (Nadia continues).......and there lived a .....jrrrrrrrrrragon!!!!*dragon ...and the prince de-FEATED the jragon, (in a whisper).......crowd cheered..........wooooaaaaaaaah!!!!.....and dey lived happily-ever-after.......D ant!!!*(the end)

Sleeping Beauty

2009-04-23T08:44:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, Agu took Iris awhile so that I could shower. As I was finishing up, I couldnt help but laugh aloud to hear the following dialogue:
Iris: ¨Squeeek!!!!¨
Agu: ¨Iris!! No!! Dont squeal!!¨
followed by a stubborn persistent highpitched shriek...
Iris: ¨weeeeik!!!¨
Agu: ¨No my love!!! I'm trying to get something more comfortable for you!!!¨
Iris: ¨Eeeeik!!!" (believe me she knows how to hit the high notes)
Turns out, she was annoyed because she was wearing a baggy woolen sweater that prevented her from sucking her fists, so poor Agu was struggling with the angry shnitzel in one arm and trying to open the drawer.......not very patient is she huh? I took these the same day.later when she finally calmed down of course.hehe!

Bear!

2009-04-19T16:14:00.000-07:00

Arrianne absolutely adores Bear! Everytime she sees her she showers her with kisses and luv and affectionately calls her name in a squeely tender tone, Babyyyyyyyy! or Iwis!
I thought she would be jealous but she adored her and totally flipped over her from the start!

Everyday is a thrill and filled with anticipation because I get to spend it with her! I breath in every breath of hers and flip over every expression of her luv!

She's such a mommy's girl! Some time ago me and Agu had a heated debate in which he ended up terribly offended! Because Im with her all day every day so at parent time he takes her awhile while I have a little time to myself. But somehow she doesnt really seem to enjoy it and squeals and throws a fit, at which Agu get nervous and starts bouncing her up and down to try to "calm" her. Of course that only serves to stress her further until Agu comes and says he thinks shes hungry .......turns out she isnt at all but calms down immediately when I hold her to my mouth and sing and coo in her ear.
Now the question I posed was why? if she isnt hungry does she only want to be with me? Of course I meant it as maybe u should give her more soothing vibes even when shes stressed and doesnt calm down right away but he took it so personally! "What do you MEAN???? That she hates being with meeeeeee????" LOL! My poor sensitive daddy! So jealous of Bears' love. He'll get the feel for it with time and practice! I guess it is something that is inborn in us mothers and the babies can feel it. I thought before, that the afternoon was her sensitive time, but I realised that when I make the effort to be soothing and attentive shell be an angel all day, but when she feels Im stressed shell go nuts and be terrible! LOL!

MyTender Years (part 2)

2009-04-15T15:44:00.001-07:00

Here I am on my 2nd birthday grinning like a naughty kitten, alongside Toothy and Carrot......hehe!

Looking poetic with my brothers here

I loved baby Jesus! One of my earliest memories was of running and jumping on the couch and cradling the figure of Jesus in my hands

Here Im by the hippie Christmas tree with my mom who looks like shes pg with my brother David

Yay, I like this one! Doesnt this look like the pictures I take nowadays with Iris?

Looking german!!!

Okay so I really didnt want to take this picture! Quite the temper huh?

Here Im just 3 years old!!!

On my 3rd birthday with my birthday dolly! I remember my mom ironing my dress and putting it on when it was still hot

LOL! This picture is a joke! My mom said we were praying for a bathing suit for me, and my Dad comes back from a faith trip with a tiny bathing suit that someone gave him........

Here with my lil bro David........the Snaggletooth!

David's birthday!!!! Helping himself to some cake.

Here we are dressed royally in our red cardinal clothes!!!!

LOL! I love this picture!!!! My three older brothers looking absolutely dismall!!!! And Eman with those shadows over his eyes looking like a skeleton! ......The funny thing is they ate like pigs with all the provisioning they got!!

And last but not least, here I am thinking singing, ¨I said the sheep with the curly horn......¨,( and thinking of how itchy that top feels on me) while totally unaware of Agustin's existence, that little pretty boy to my right, flirting in the shadows with some other little girl is now the daddy of Iris Dominica!Agu's presence in this pic was noticed years later when I was already with him by my mom and siblings, casually looking at pics one night.

My Tender Years (Part 1)

2009-04-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

I borrowed these from my mom the other day to scan, so I thought Id share them with you so you can laugh a bit.....LOL!! Wasnt I the ¨healthiest¨baby you've ever seen?...all solid quality milk!Yep! the tub of lard u see there is me!!!!! Healthy huh?

With my Papi here........hey would u look at that!! Underneath that german eyebrowless eyebrows, theres a happy smile!

With my pretty mom!

Here we are, and those two rascals u see there are my brothers Mig and Eman

Dont ask me why we look so happy.....

This is a classic in my family.......setting: Eman's birthday.....he has a happy and excited face on...someone asks, noticing Miguel's lip dragging on the table, ¨Miguelito, what's wrong?¨To which the unhappy soul responds in a dolefull voice, ¨It's not my birthdayyy!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Thiago

2009-03-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

Well, I did remember your birthday!.........just not the exact date........but i kept thinking Thiago's birthday is coming up, so yesterday I got online and asked Chris when it was.....................none to soon, for it was today!!!! Whew!!
Anyway, whatever can I say that would do justice to how much I care about this lil man here. He's my little boy, so cute and purty, and vulnerable........at this Ill let u all imagine me rumpling his hair affectionately while I cook up some more to say...only he has none..........anyway, Ive got a motherly heart for him, and hope to always be considered his best friend.
Uuuuuuum ........lets see what can I safely say about you to the general public?......this guy is great, and I surely miss him.......I bit of a pain in the butt at first if you let him get to you, but if you learn to ignore his faults and go the extra mile to be there for him and become his friend, youll find that behind his rather brute and obnoxious ways, hes just the sweetest little boy. I miss him taking care of me but most of all, I miss taking care of him.......
Thiago, I hope you know I'll try to always be there for u....an email away at least.........whenever u need someone to talk to, someone to be foolish with who will tease and try ur patience till shes got u laughing ur heart out, someone to blow u an encouraging kiss, and moraly support u with an imaginary hug or kiss on your forehead, someone to pray for you and get something from Jesus for you when u need it, and someone to scold you and give u a healthy piece of her mind. I love you tunz and wish u a very happy birthday.....and I hope that this coming year will finally bring with it the fulfillment of all those great dreams of yours, and that that girl will put some reins on you. jeje!

Parent time!

2009-03-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

Okay in the home we have a thing of each couple picking the name of a child and having one parent time with them a week. This week we got Cookie and Olenka. I made them a tent on my bed with blankets and table cloths and umbrellas and bromsticks and clothespins and we ate icecream and read a story out of my big original book of the stories of Winnie the Pooh after wich we watched a couple of episodes of the same on the computer together. Fun! here are some snapshots of the ocasion..................Mawiee

Anniversary 2009

2009-03-28T10:46:00.001-07:00

Okay I am aware that these pics are freaky, but well,I have no others and they capture a moment, sooooooo ..........the 25th of March marked our fourth year together. I spent my quiet time locked away putting together my humble gift, a pair of boxers and chocolates, all nicely packaged together in a box.
For a change ..I managed to surprise him (I guess he thought i had forgotten what day it was).
That night after home counsil he treated us both (and Zeek whom we had invited to join us as it was his last night with us) to brownies, icecream and Frizze. .........now back to the pictures.......dont ask me whats with the mustache.......I have no idea what he was thinking, but after my protests and looking at the pics we took he went straightway to the bathroom and shaved it off to my relief...jeje!

Fulfillment

2009-03-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

Its strange to think
some feelings cant be put in ink
and words just cant do justice to
what heart tells that I feel for you

You are to me
the refined perfection of everything I dreamed to be
the very face of love itself
my life's acheivement and its wealth

I see in you
My second chance to live anew
to accomplishments, reliving things,
the awakening of some dormant dreams

My rainbow child
your mind is fancifull and wild
Theres fire in your eyes still burning dim
you dream awaiting for your chance to live

Daddys cruel queen of beauty!

2009-03-09T17:51:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, Daddy and Iris were riding home in the car from my moms place and he started telling his lil girl a story that went something like what follows.....

¨Once upon a time, there was a beautiful queen whose name was Iris. She was the most beautiful and heartless queen in the world. Lords and princes and knights came from all over the world wishing to claim her hand in marriage, but the proud queen just said: ¨Off with their heads!!!¨(at this he swings her hand through the air in an slicing sort of motion)
She was infuriated at the nerve of the fine men to sujest that they deserved her.
Till one day, one man won her heart, and his name was......................Daddy. And they lived happily ever after as father and daughter............The End.¨

Our Feast Dinner

2009-03-04T13:13:00.001-08:00

Here are some pics of our closing Feast dinner

The apple of my eye

2009-02-17T09:08:00.000-08:00

The other night I discovered how much you meant to me
I could learn to hate even the most beloved
if but for just a moment, to forget all other joys and accomplishments
to leave it all and be just God and you and me

To blind myself to obstacles, to die alive and cry myself sick
to break my heart and teach myself to hold on
to give up my will and dignity and lose precious liberty
to tell a white lie and suffer injustice in silence

Iris, my all would be a nothing to give if I could have you
I understand why God deemed it right to prize unworthy me with you
so that I could understand yet a little more the kind of self less love
that only a parent can feel for His children lost and found

Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T14:08:00.000-08:00

I remember going through Valentine's day after Valentine's day and thinking to myself............."alone again."..........now it has been almost four successive years that youve been by me on this special day.
Agu, there are so many people in the world that are alone all their lives...what can I possibly say to make you understand how thankfull I am for you. Could there be any other in the world capable of making me feel so complete? A better friend? A more sacrificial provider? A more attentive lover? A more tender heart? a sweeter daddy? A funnier clown? A cuddlier bedmate? A greater spoiler?......I remember when we first started being together u lived in the approximate home and you first proclaimed with conviction to the world that you werent gonna spoil me ever and were only going to phone me once aweek.........shortly thereafter, you were on great demand and there was hardly a night which u didnt phone to the frustration of the members of the other home who had to repeatedly draw ur attention to the phone bill.....regardless of their cautioning and protests we talked every night and woe to you the night u werent able to call.........jeje....Not to mention the early rising rest days ( since my dad dint let u spen the night.....roll eyes) while I was peacfully sleeping in....winter-summer, rain or shine, youd bundle up at aroung seven in the morning and get on ur bike and ride over to my place to crawl in bed with me half-frozen .........What costs something is worth something as weve found out.........though I have to attribute the sacrificing to you my love. We've gone through so much together and withought u Id be lost in the world like a little child withought u to hold my hand and take care of me and lead me around. I love you forever my Valentine!.....Mawiee

Lullaby

2009-02-08T12:58:00.000-08:00

Creed Lullaby Lyrics:
Hush my love now don't you cry
Everything will be all right
Close your eyes and drift in dream
Rest in peaceful sleep

If there's one thing I hope I showed you
Hope I showed you

Just give love to all
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/Fx3 ]

Oh my love...in my arms right
Every day you give me life
As I drift off to your world
Will rest in peaceful sleep

I know there's one thing
that you showed me
That you showed me

Just give love to all
Let's give love to all
Lyrics: Lullaby, Creed [end]

Pics for Ur enjoyment

2009-02-05T06:49:00.001-08:00

Here is my little fairy.........ok so she really didnt want to take these pics........so I finally had to stick her on my breast for the rest of the picture session.....

Agus birthday.

2009-02-05T06:28:00.000-08:00

The 1st of Feb was Agus bday....his present was what I finally figured out was the only thing to make him happy.......sigh!.............a pendrive...............well I finally hit the nail on the head this birthday jajajaja.........we had a special dinner.......but he didnt want to do much so Ill just post the pics..........

Yikes everyone is kissing!!!! (Happy/Nina), (Dan/Vera), (Santi/Gloria....in the darkness), (Daddy/Iris), (Daddy/Mommy)

Happy birthday to me!!!

2009-01-24T09:35:00.000-08:00

Woa! another year has passed and Im saying goodbye to my "teen" years. This birthday was nice and simple. The 21st Agu stayed up late making his favorite cake-dessert for me!!!
LOL!...(the irony of it) Brownies (or should I say blackies) with rocklets in them and whipped cream!...
Then on January 22nd at twelve oclock on the dot he could take it no more and presented me with my bday presents........clothes!!!! (he finally realised that that he can be sure to make me happy that way.........let me just briefly mention that this is one of our few points were we dont exactly see eye to eye, as he doesnt understand how I can get such a kick out of clothes and for the longest time, I had quite a puzzling time choosing out presents that will please him ........till he gave me a list......basicly electronics.........darn him! Speaking of lame!
So anyway, back to his presents, course, after trying them on, we had to go and change them for a better fit the next day! LOL! The poor soul! Of course I took my time with this being the complicated shopper that I am when it comes to clothes....but he was patient enough and Iris slept through it all................so well, that evening we went to the nearby pizza place that just opened. It was an all-you-can-eat place and even though I went hungry, neither of us could eat very much (in my experience at least, those places tend to particularly sap ur appetite somehow. Its a phychological thing I think) . Besides, I havent had much of an appetite since having the baby, and he has recently undergone this whole diet thingie so none of us are really into eating much...... Iris, was a grouch the whole time and refused to stay in the stroller (so much for making the effort and setting aside my vanity to bring the wretched thing! A contact promised to give us a nice new stroller from his shop but now hes on vacations and so we wont have it for twenty days or so, so in the meantime we have to use a borrowed one thats in sorry shape and ready for forsake all.LOL! Well maybe Im exagerrating a bit ..........but some of u who have kids might know how vanity gets to u when u have ur first kid....its only th best for her!........and that stroller sad to say fell way short. Anyway, the point is that she was a grouch and refused to stay in it .......she wanted to be included and held the whole time and even then she fussed.........all the same we had fun and it was nice to get out......though the happiness was marred abit by the thought that daddy would be leaving early in the morning for a ten day trip........groan!

Fairy Tales

2009-01-16T07:32:00.000-08:00

This one is from last year, one of the latest ones that I just scanned. It shows a little girls imagination coming to life as she loses herself in the world of fairy tales.

Prayer Request

2009-01-13T09:51:00.000-08:00

We took Iris to the "cardiologo" today to get the little "ductus" she has in her heart checked on. It turns out, its not altogether a small opening and she has to go into a medication treatement Doctor said she could be on it for a year. We have to see how it evolves and if it starts getting smaller there shuldnt be any need to operate.
Please!!! Please!!! Please!!! Pray that The Lord will do a miracle and it will close completely as soon as possible, and that the treatment is effective and that she wont have to be operated. Thanks!

my lil princess

2009-01-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

Her royal Highness...

Feeling much to refined to give you the time of day...

NOOO!!! Vanity!!!

Ay mommy! I want the yammis!

My lil tiny elf

Iris and Mommy

2009-01-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

Golden child, earth blossoms at your voice
watch a teardrop falling from the sky
up above, heaven pauses in its course
angel's hearts break to hear you cry

Mothers kiss is warm with comfort sweet
like the smell of summer in the pea plant
feel the warm breeze tickling tiny feet
as I lullaby my fairy infant.

Happy Birthday Jesus .......and Iris Dominica!

2008-12-31T08:33:00.000-08:00

Meet my little fairy child, born on the 24th of December (poor thing!) one month early, weighing 2.500 kilos and shrieking like her mommy when shes angry!
Some say she looks like daddy, but the majority vote is shes mommys image in miniature. She has my eyebrowless german scowl, and shifty wisdom of the sages face, and Daddy laughs so much when she makes faces and throws fits that sound and look just like mommy's.
Everyone cant help but comment on how pretty she is for a newborn. And of course proud Mommy and Daddy have to concede that she is in every sense perfect! We're so very thankfull that she came out so healthy, and strong and breathing right even though, she was born a whole month early. Derek and Justin mustve been taking care of their little sister.

Feliz Cumple Fran!

2008-12-22T14:47:00.000-08:00

Fran, este post es para acordarle a todo el mundo en esta fecha tan especial y tan occupada de tu cumpleaños.
Thank you for the times of fun, of hanging out of laughing till we feel like we're gonna die. Thank you for listening and for talking, for grimaces and faces and unconcievable terms and words that just fit and dont make sense all at once, for music and for singing, for harmonies and nifty vocal arrangements that are so classical and old school theyre corny, for cards and notes all covered in nifty grafitti-like decorations, for german accents and personifications, for nuggets, german piglets, mostards, dislocating elbows with grace, for cheese faces, and chresendos and diminuendos, for praisetime songs with tatoo lyrics, and fainting sessions with the secta............I know all this wont make sense to anyone but you so Ill just leave it at that, but i just wanna wish you a super happy birthday and hope you know youll always be my Franchuelo_love.

here are some recent pics I took with Aggie and Bia

2008-12-19T09:05:00.000-08:00

Iris

2008-12-18T09:56:00.000-08:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Goo Goo Dolls

26th of Nov, Happy 1st b'day!

2008-12-18T09:14:00.000-08:00

Ok I know im almost a month late for this but well couldnt just let it pass....

Its come around, that time of year
that just a year since now
I thought would be so diffrently
than how it all turned out

I thought today, Id make you a cake
and light a candle on it
then both of you would blow it out
and lick the icing off it

I thought today we'd celebrate
with family and friends and nephews
I went to see you and found instead
that children slept around you

I thought Id give you gifts today
of books and toys brand new
instead I brought you flowers cause
they made me think of you

I thought Id tuck you in a crib
and wish you happy dreams
instead I lay you in a bed
of earth and sky and trees. Mawiee

2008-11-25T09:35:00.000-08:00

Ok I have to start this by confessing that, since the twins were gone Ive gone through a strange hormonal disballance of motherly urge to adopt everything and everyone around that need mothering. Jeej!! (well now come to think about it, even at the XD I did adopt a japanese orfan named Koji........WE LOVE YOU KOJI!!!........ but that was while i was still pg.......this multicolored adopting seems to be in style among celebrities....heehee!)
Anyway that's beside the point right now. I was saying, about my hormonall disballance, that I took to adopting children of all sorts of shapes and sizes in order to try to fill that empty feeling ....starting with and entire group of seven polish children (alias: the samagirls, or samakids) followed by the Smakerell (alias: Fredrich, Pooch of love and affection, Chiquinini, Nuni, Shnitzell, and Arianne......she has many names and descriptions....) and a very large, black, brasilian, baby orfan.
Theres nothing that is so irresistable to a craving, hormonally'disballanced, mother robbed of her young, than someone that needs her mothering.
It wasnt always like this, at the beggining I have to admit we couldnt stand each other's guts. He thought I was mental, and I avoided him......he got so on my nerves.........
Then something happened, some breaking point in which I realised that what everybody needs is love and that love and patience are the key to every heart.
Anyway, during the whole time he was here i have to say I sort of took it upon myself to look out for him while he was here. When he leaves Ill miss him for sure.....its always hard when the babies fly away from the nest.
Ill miss just sitting and listening to him for hours on end, and listening some more, as he pours out his troubles and woes
Ill miss petting and kissing his bald head when hes frustrated and theres really nothing to say that will make him feel better
Ill miss putting him to sleep when he feels lonely
Ill even miss him when he was angry and sensitive over some corny harmless joke and is bawling me out over my teasing him and I have to just stay put to avoid further wrath (a soft answer turneth away wrath)
Ill miss him taking a turn to take care of me and putting me to sleep when I was alone and staying with me when i had nightmares
Ill miss listening to Bells of Michael Piano and the whole album over and over and over with him
Ill miss him bringing me special fruit from the market
Ill miss him getting overprotective and maybe a little possesive over his big mama.
Ill miss him being obnoxious and doing annoying things when he feels like he has to get my attention
Most of all Ill miss him needing me when The Lord takes him to whatever destination he has for him and gives him that long promised perfect wifey and family and promised land....but Ill be soooooooooo happy for him and Ill be praying for him till it happens................. AND after (knowing him, he might need more prayer then than now, heehee!!)

I love you Thiago, and like it or not, even when youre gone and forgotten me Ull still be by big black adopted baby.

Daria's Birthday!

2008-10-31T15:36:00.000-07:00

The other day Daria turned eight years old and we decided to throw an extra special birthday party for her. We picked a topic..............Fairyland!!! Its original!!!! (note from Katya, who always dreads and avoids having to wear dresses or skirts or makeup or anything girlie:"It's not original! It's Marie Claireish!" Nevertheless, Fairyland it was, and so, with half the home gone on a faithtrip and almost no money, we set about trying to improvise and use our creativity to make it special.
The day before the party was spent with the girls making decorations that would give our house the fairy ambience. So I put them to work cutting out paper flowers and butterflies while I strained myself to make fairy wings for them all out of colored paper and glitter.
I had to constantly stress to them how important it was for them not to compare, but i must say I had some trouble with the birthday girl who changed her mind a few times about the type of wings she wanted, fretting that the purple wings she had picked, would not match with the dress she was planning on wearing s they would have to be pink. Thankfully, blessed Bia, accustomed by now to younger sisters, was willing to change wings in order to please the precious little birthday sister. Bless her! She helped me so much!
So then the other dillema was birthday cake. With hardly any money in the house for expensive or trendy ingredients we were at conflict what to do. Well, I thought after the usual chocolate recipe with almost no icing was suggested. How about we make the "pineapple upside-down cake"?............with apples. (available recipe in the Activity Book, if u have one.........we did not. And so I called up my mom and had her read the recipe in her german, step-by-step way to me. (Note: this was my second favorite cake with peaches and whipped cream and dulce de leche of course that my mom would make for my birthday before she discovered the traditional chocolate mayonaise cake..........also available in Activity Book. Dont miss it!)
So, we scrounged up some pesos to buy a little whipped cream, and butter and a few other ingredients (it wouldve been nice to have dulce de leche and canned peaches but oh well!). And we made the cake!
It took a few fear-instilling, thought-provoking signs that reffered to my unpleasant "german wrath" to keep the cake from being entirely mutilated overnight by hungry stalkers.
The next morning was spent prepping up the girls with their wings and clothes and makeup and hairdos, and flower crown (once again it was hard to keep them from comparing over the flowers i used for each one! Sigh!)
They had a wonderfull time with the visiting children, and had a fun lunch at the nearby MacDonals (bless you Vera for provisioning it!) .
Anyway, thought Id share some of the pics of this occasion! So purty my little fairies!!!!

I miss you!

2008-10-21T14:14:00.000-07:00

Sigh! Some of you might think you have yourself all together, but I know that there are others who come in halves like me. And when your other half is away, you know the feeling I know of feeling completely lost and perplexed with yourself. One tries so hard to distract herself and nothing really works completely. Half of you is missing and you just simply will not rest till hes resting beside you again....I kinda know that feeling now again................I miss you baby!

Life is one big Cristmas present!

2008-10-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

This morning there was hope again in my heart, like there has been for so many mornings... To look at my reflection in the mirror and smile with secret knowing.
Like a little child, I love secrets and hate to wait for them all at once. When anticipation is in the air, I can shiver with every conscious breath. Fleeting thoughts will make me break into a smile, and laugh aloud in oblivion. It seems God loves to hide things to make life a mystery. To help us treasure every new discovery, every new lesson. He hides treasure in the deepest caves, pearls inside oysters deep down in the sea..........butterflies inside dull cocoons.
Waiting is eternal, but every second of eternity is pleasure. I hold my breath till its over and yet I sigh with such complete satisfaction. Life is emotion, and one big Christmas present! I feel like I can't wait to open it up, and yet wait I shall, and every moment of waiting sends tingles down my spine. I love secrets. Someday I hope to surprise you....

Home dinner!!

2008-10-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, this was for a special home dinner we had yesterday. Agu and my wife Gloria, treated us all to pizza while Agu, strictly restrained himself from indulging in the pleasures of sin for a season.....(hes on this nifty diet, no carbs alcohol or sugars for a month and then some)...........he was extremely cross at that acount and unbearable to everyone...Can you imagine???? NO pizza and alcohol??? Only this sick coliflour and tomatoes.
Ouch! It hurts to be beautifull!
Anyway, in the pics u can see Thiago harrases women and children alike............Aggie (my Jett) and Daria pose like ladies, Agu enjoys his sumptuos meal...MMmmmmm...
Agustina, Gloricetta (alias my wife), and me (las muchachas de torcuato!
The samakids.
AY! And the Poochofloveandaffection!!!! tugging on Daddys legs for him to pick her up while he poses for a group pic! Delicious rolls of fatness folding over her socks!
Such a beautifull family!
left to right: Daria, Aggie, Bia, toddler Nadia, Mommy Vera
under Vera: Katya, Cookie-boy, Daddy Dan, and Olenka................

A tasty smackerel!

2008-10-17T15:17:00.000-07:00

Ok had to share these scandalous pictures of my tasty smackerel, rolling in a bed of cheese and sauce.

Hence on the left the senior, more experienced spoon-eater scowls with cold, desinterest and comtempt at the clumsy, though thrilling, first efforts of this first-timer, who blissfully unaware, helps herself to a tasty lunch of noodles and cheese-and-tomato-sauce.....enjoying every sensation (it looks good, smells good, tastes good and feels good too!!!)

Anyway, I dont know if any of you readers remember having watched a film during your childhood about a brave little pig named Babe....
well, if you were unfortunate enough to watch the traumatic part two of the movie, you might remember a certain, crazy, fat, face full of ice cream, clown, that lives with his cookoo sister. Somehow he was brought to my memory when I saw my smackerel painted like a clown with sauce

Perspective

2008-09-23T18:50:00.000-07:00

Used to think that I was meant to make you happen
Who'd have thught Id be the one
to need you so, when you were made to need me
Didn't think that you could cloud my sun

While you're waking up in other worlds
I'm down here watching babies die
You're seeing angels treading Heaven's gardens
I'm watching flowers whither up and dry

Who'd have thought one sound could ring out hope
the way that weakest cry of yours pled
Who'd have dreamt one look could picture love
the way your gentle eyes did

Sweetest smell of babies' breath, encharming
rumored to be sweet
Dream of song and warmth on mother's bossom
while I dream of craddling your feet

Open up your eyes and wake in Heaven
Just promise me you'll always be my own
Memories of bitter sweetness aching
Die my child to once again be born......
Mawiee

Forget me not

2008-09-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

Angels, forget me not when
Heaven's mercy wipes away past memories of pain

Remember mother's lullabies
though ethereal choirs may taint with awe the skies

And angels' touch may sooth your heart with bliss
still don't forget the love in mother's kiss

Though God Himself may gather you up anew
remember yet the womb which carried you

When Heaven's love enshrouds your mind and thoughts
then Angels sweet forget me not.

Lady of the Snow

2008-06-25T17:41:00.000-07:00

Ok this is my latest creation, I coloured it today a little. It's called Lady of the Snow....this guy here named it actually, after some song or something. I never heard it but I figured the name fit perfect.

The Dreamcatcher

2008-06-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

Theres a silken something, strung across the bamboo
that Ive found with the dawn's first light
As frail as a life hanging heavy with dew
like a string of choice pearls sparkling bright.

A master weaver's work of art, and yet so miniscule
a dreamcatcher of silver thread, spun when the darkness rules
And as the morning yawns a smile, and dreams condense onto
this dreamcatcher, encharmed silk web, like diamonds made of dew

These dreams by mortal creatures spun, under the cover of sleep
some made of fancy or sheer delight, some fears or mystery
some stray daydream, upon the wing of some lose butterfly
might find itself umong its strings as it was wandering by

Until the nymphs with amber hair, and rainbow wings descend
this silken stair adorned with dreams spun by the daughters of men
These afrodiasics ride the wind, and pluck the lazy dreams
and carry away illusions to, some secret place, it seems

Yet some have said that when a nymph, forgets a drop of dew
that stray pearl lost, or left behind, becomes a dream come true...

2008-06-18T15:45:00.000-07:00

Here is my humble representation of Gods Holy Spirit.

Okay, check out my elvish creation! The idea is to portray this small band of wandering minstrils, having their breakfast while enchanting the morning forest air with their tunes. Notice the different mixtures of culture in their style and apparel. I like the idea of mixing the mate in there to give it a little traditional Argentine touch.

cute and funny pics

2008-06-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

Eeeeeeeeew! So cute ma girls!!!

Here they are, all cuddled in my bed listening to a audio book of the Chronicles of Narnia. Poor things! I love scaring them suddenly in the middle of a tense part. Hahahahahahhaahhahahahah! Theyre so cute and jumpy!!

Next bellow is agu ma looove! Ma best daddy figure in the whole world! The glasses and buckteeth is him too by the way, at a dressup party! Pretty horrid no? LOL!

Then bellow is my baby group! Nadia and Arrianna....better known by me as my son Fredrich, Hitler, Olson piglet and a various assortment of suitable names depending on the occasion! LOL!
Nadia is very crafty in her vengefull moves on Arriana. Kindly sidling over to her as she leans on the couch or furniture...then looking around carefully first begins petting her chubby hand and daintily stroking it then all at once a discreet but violent pinch or push leaves Arianna in tears. LOL! What a crafty jealous child. Arianna on the other hand is alot more clumsy, and doesnt seem to realise yet alot of things. If shes angry shell pull hair or with brutal force slap away, but in general and excepting when her daddy is around she is quite accepting of the blonde. LOL! Its funny though when we tell Nadia to give love to the baby, shes happy and lovingly complies as long as she gets a thourough applause after. Poor Arianna on the other hand tries to respond but in her own brute way only succedes in slapping the poor sensitive Blonde!
Here they are now: Arriana as Adolf Hitler and Nadia as a little french drunk! LOL! I love these babies!

Cookie and Daria rump in the leaves!

2008-06-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

awwwwwww!

To my girls

2008-05-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

Okay well, I have to dedicate this post to thew best kids in the world. They are so much fun. And Im their lucky care taker.
Theyre so funny and so diffrent all in one.
The oldest is Aggie, Cancer.
Sweet Aggie so thoughtfull and kind. A little mother totally.
Next is Katya als Cancer but totally diffrent. Saucy Katia!! Total personality especially in the eyebrows! LOL!
Anyway, next is Bia, Capricorn. Real good artist, she draws the funniest pix ever! S matter of fact and always gives the crude point of veiw to things. Shes reall quiet but is a reall rascal.
Next is Daria. Purty Daria. Scorpio. Also really into art and a real smart case! If youre new around here, shell flood you with notes and cards, of all textures and sizes and materials! haha!
Then comes the crazy red head , Olenka!!! Gemini. mixture of funny laughs and tears unpredictable and volatile! hahahaha!!
Then comes Cookie (Andre) Taurus. Loves cars completely!!! Especially traffics! Just naming them will get him all excited! Tiny Cookie lost among girls! The poor boy.
And last but not least is Nadia! Leo!
What a personality! S exclusive and so attached at the same time to the ones she loves! Such a fun baby! but watch out when the lion comes out. Addicted to videos and loves to learn a new song recently shes beeing going through a naughty stage, mainly cause of jealousy trial ovwer the new arriver,
Ariana, better know as Federico. LOL
Unlike Nadia, this lovable brunatte is rather clumsy and boyish. Love is shown in slaps by her. This hilarious baby is full of smiles for all, especially some. Shes soon to move from the crwling stage to the walking stage and when that happens all catastrophies will turn loose. HELP!!

In Ink

2008-05-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

Okay these are some samples in pen......Lots of scribbling!!!!!.....Yay!!!Fun!!!
Okay with this one, most people normally have to stare awhile before they can figure it out. It was one night I was lying on my bed with Agu listening to electronic, and i grabbed a pen and started scribbling......and in about 45 min. it was done. What does a skinny girl riding a very tense looking fire'breathing dragon have to do with Revelation? Ha! LOL! I actually have no idea!!! I just asked Agu what I could name it and he gave the name.

Mushroom and Clover.
Now this one was the fruit of many a doodling during devotions notice the different types of pens! Ha! This one was alot of fun!

Autumn

2008-05-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

Touch love and breath it in
beauty is all around
Laugh aloud and kiss the wind
leaves sleep on the ground

The rain sings can you hear?
it's voice lulls me to dream
the ground is moist with it's tears
all is more alive than seems

Mother dandelion waves goodbye
the wind carries away
her fairy children off to fly
into a sky of gray

Secret gardens lie in wait
for little girls to find
and scale their walls of ivy green
and play inside their mind

To blow the fairy dandelions
to laugh back at the breeze
when she plays in their tangled hair
and tickles naked knees

Not all that glitters is gold

2008-05-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

Luster of the pearly dew enticing
magical, surreal
draws me unresistably and binding
renders me to fate's cold hands that kill

More than a pearl
the clouds rumble out the threat
rain peals out mocking
vulnerable caught amongst the net

beauty fast corrodes from such an unhappy perspective....

Arwen's song

2008-05-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

With a sigh
You turn away
With a deepening heart
No words to say

You will find
That the world has changed forever

The trees are now turning from green to gold
And the sun is now fading
I wish I could hold you closer

Lothlorien

2008-05-19T11:46:00.001-07:00

Lothlorien

A Olórin i yaresse
Mentaner i Numeherui
Tirien i Rómenóri
Maiaron i Oiosaila
Manan elye etevanne
Nórie i melanelye?

(Verse 2 and 3: Sindarin)

Mithrandir, Mithrandir, A Randir Vithren
u-reniathach i amar galen
I reniad lin ne mor, nuithannen
In gwidh ristennin, i fae narchannen
I lach Anor ed ardhon gwannen
Calad veleg, ethuiannen.

======================

English Translations:

Olórin, who once was...
Sent by the Lords of the West
To guard the lands of the East
Wisest of all Maiar
What drove you to leave
That which you loved?

Mithrandir, Mithrandir, O Pilgrim Grey
No more will you wander the green fields of this earth
Your journey has ended in darkness.
The bonds but, the spirit broken
The Flame of Anor has left this World
A great light, has gone out.

-The forest dances at midnight’s touch.-

2008-05-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

I love the idea of the trees coming to life when were not looking!

-The forest dances at midnight’s touch.-

Calls the wind and blows all nature her kiss

Wakes the trees into a twirling bliss

Lamps are lit and clear the foggy mist

At moonlight’s touch

Cherrywood is springing gaily now

Willow shakes and laughs aloud

While solemn oak just waves her sturdy boughs

At moonlight’s touch

Out comes the piper fairy to their wake

Their limbs to revive, their leaves to quake

While merriment reigns silver on the glassy lake

At moonlight’s touch

China Roses

2008-05-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

Anyway, If you read above more about me, youll have gotten the point that i love art. Its my lifetime hobbie and a fountain for expression and creativity for me. I dont really use any special pencils or pens or quality stuff. Ive always done with what i had. This is one of those. One of my colored by crappy pencils! Its my "China Roses" from Enya.
China Roses lyrics

Who can tell me if we have heaven,

who can say the way it should be;

Moonlight holly, the Sappho Comet,

Angel's tears below a tree.

You talk of the break of morning

as you view the new aurora,

Cloud in crimson, the key of heaven,

one love carved in acajou.

One told me of China Roses,

One a Thousand nights and one night,

Earth's last picture, the end of evening:

hue of indigo and blue.

A new moon leads me to

woods of dreams and I follow.

A new world waits for me;

my dream, my way.

I know that if I have heaven

there is nothing to desire.

Rain and river, a world of wonder

may be paradise to me.

I see the sun.

I see the stars.

Franchus-Love

2008-05-16T11:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there people who you can never say enough about. The kind you miss when theyre gone, and are proud to call your friend. The kind you remember with a sigh and a smile. The kind that put a song in your heart and music on your lips. The kind that make you cry when u see them cry. And the type that feel right at home on your shoulder. The kind that warms your heart when they smile and makes you laugh just way too much. The kind you can chat with for hours withought ever running out of topics, and always leaving the conversation unfinished for later. The type that helps you find something hilarous in just about everything you can think of. The type that you miss like mad when theyre leaving but who you smile at while they do, cause you want them to be happy and you wish them the best. I know someone that is like that to me and a whole lot more........................I love you Fran!!!!

my sisters

2008-05-16T10:37:00.000-07:00

These are my sisters and me!!!!

A Pooch

2008-05-15T14:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, now. Esta es mi Pooch!!! Mi Pooch me hiso los honores de publicar un post en mi honor en su propio blog, so here I am (excuse the spanglish) returning the favors. Sorry Pooch si no puse una foto exclusiva de vos es q era la q tenia...hahahaha!! Escrache total! .........bueno,
Pooch is funny, and puffy
Shes smiley and gay(the original meaning of the word applied of course).
Es una porota con cara de queso, y como una Cruzans total, es un ponpon siempre metiendose en lios descabellados!!!!!!! Aveces tengo ganas de arrancarle la lana!!!!.......Pero solo por q la quier mucho y no le soy indiferente para nada!!! T quiero Pooch!!! (AVISO!!!!! ese nombre es exclusivo para mi uso, todos los demas la pueden llamar Clari)

Agu

2008-05-14T16:16:00.000-07:00

Before I launch into the trivia, I just have to dedicate this post to my best friend after Jesus. I want everybody in the world to know how much he means to me. He's my baby and my other half, the funniest person in the whole wide world and he loves me. We're almost as inseperable as our twins were. He's the cutest daddy in the world and there couldnt be a more devout boyfriend. After we fight, we only love each other more and he naver makes it difficult on me to say sorry when Ive been wrong, neither is he ever too proud to say sorry when he's been wrong (or even if he wasnt). He always cleans the room, (I have to give him credit for this cause he gets reall annoyed at my messiness and lack of initiative in that aspect HA!) He always makes me laugh and always wins me in tickle fights. He loves me when I'm grouchy, and when Im negative. When Im happy or when Im sad. When the german blood gets the best of me he cracks a jock about it and turns my rage into helpless laughter! He even makes me laugh in my dreams!!! Ha! He's as cuddly as a teddy bear and as warm as warmth itself.......he's also hot! He's so cute when he misses me and when he wants me, irresistable. He tells me bedtime stories and Ive never had a more devout fan of my art. He shows it to the world with the greatest pride and loves each piece of art as if it were his own masterpiece. I could go on for hours talking about him, and everything I love about him, but you know love is shown in actions as well as words, and I have to go help him on dishes. Let me just end this by saying that sme people spend their whole lives alone waiting for the perfect man, I was lucky t find him so soon. He's an aquarious by the way, just like me.

2008-05-12T11:34:00.001-07:00

November 26 there were two new angels in my life. Justin Oliver and Derek Nahuel. Ive often wondered if all they say abut socalled dying grace or the grace of God is really accurate. i mean how reall is it really? Id probably still be wondering abou it if it werent for the experience I went through recently. While I was in labour i remember wishing that everyone around me culd be subjetc to the happyness I was experiencing. You see, it wuldve been perfect, except that my babies were born premature, me having only been six months along in the pregnancy. Not that i was eager for them to be born too soon mind you, as a matter of fact, only a few hours away Id been in the same frame of mind as Id been all pregnancy long. That of shunning the thought of my babies being born before everything being perfect and the proverbial nest being ready for their arrival. Our state at the time was far from reaching my ideal state of german perfection and being ready for the arrival of the babies.Anyway, despite it all, I remeber that try as I might, I just couldnt mirror the anxiety of the doctors and nurses and even of my parents and Agu. I had a very warm feeling of peace and knowing that no matter what happened evrything was gonna be okay.
The birth was quick and easy thank God! If I wouldve had some major recovering to do, I dont think I wouldve been able to be strong enough to bear everything I was abut to go through. Justin was born first, he was also the weaker and frailer of the two. Sweetest, smallest baby ever! He was s weak yet so brave! So much will in him!
He never cried or made a sound in his short little life. When people complain about babies that cry, I feel like screaming at them!!!! I wouldve given anything, to hear Justin cry!
Derek on the other hand was the bigger, healthier, beautifull red head baby. Of course he was still small but compared to Justin he was the lion. When Derek was born, he mustered up a little cry. The sweetest and bravest little cry ever. So full of effort and emotion!
Anyway, Derek stayed steady and pink, but Justin collapsed. He was to small. He gt everything from heat trouble and infection to brain damage. The doctors said that it was only a matter of hours or at the most days. The most heartbreaking thing for me, was to have the doctor pull me aside gently and ask me if I wanted to hold my baby, whom i had never held since he left my womb. In mild terms she was telling me, say goodbye. Nevertheless Justin stayed. I remeber waking up evry morning and thanking God that there had been no fone calls from the hospital during the night. Then one day, hope shone a little brighter for Justin! The doctor said that it was unacountable how he was holding on so many days, and how much will to live he had. She also said that the duct in his heart that hadnt closed up with the medication, had seemed to close up all by itself. Oh what happiness!!! It was like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel fr me. I had s much faith for him.
But the Lords way work cntrary to ur expectations and the next mrning they called me to the hospital. The doctor explained that Justin had suffered from heart faliure and hadnt made it. To be honest with you, when I heard the news I almost sighed with relief despite my grief. I knew that now I wouldnt have to worry about him anymre. He was better off than any of us here and he wouldnt have to suffer anymore. I think the Lord allowed that little ray of hope just the day before to show me that He could heal him if He wanted to, and that he didnt need the doctors or their medicine to do it. Also so that the little day of relief would prepare me for what was t come.
After that I decided to be well, for Dereks sake, so I could pour into him. But they say that in the majrity of cases with premature twins, when the one goes, the other can feel it and follows. Derek was one of those cases. The day of the burial, they called from the hospital, saying there was an emergency. Derek needed a complete blood transfusion, and it was a very dangerous operation for such a small baby and culd even endanger his life. Well, we prayed and prayed and prayed our hearts out, and when it was done, the doctor came ut and said, "You have been praying right? Cause it worked out well."
Derek got sicker and sicker. And each day he grew worse and worse. He sufferd severe brain damge and heart problems. We visited him every day and stayed by him talking to him, praying for him, and singing to him song after song. When we were gne during the night, the doctors said that hed get worse, but when we were there hed stay steady. He stopped going pee so he started swelling up cause he couldnt get rid of the liquid. He was s swollen, but the doctor said, that it was amazing that for as swollen as he was, his heart wouldnt give up but kept beating away and he was still pink whick showed that the heart was able t pump the blood well. When I was pregnant I would listen to music alot so when i wuld go to see him, I-d sing him the same songs, and he would get better. He knew when we were around. So we went and asked for special permission to put an mp3 player with some small speakers by his incubator with music so he wouldnt miss us so much. Thant way he was able to have some nice ambience too. During this time, something that really helped us, was the prayers of the Family worldwide as well as all the messages they got from Heaven for us. During one of the last days, we read the Hem of His Garment by Virginia Brant. Anbd it gave us alot of faith to believe that God would do the miracle. The prayer drives also were so good and helped us to pray as if we knew God would answer.
Ive always been healthy as a kid, and hardly ever had o g to the hspital or t see a dctor. Ive always hated hospitals! They would just make me sick! One f the ministries in our home involves a CTP in a hospital in which we do laughter therapy and cheer people up as well as pray and comfort them. Although, that is normally taken care of by others in the home, I understand now that The Lord used that month in the hospital to teach me love and understanding for those whom we minister to. After all, the best way people can know you understand what they r feeling is when they know you have gone through something similar.
I never in my life dreamed that I would be wishing that I could spend a Christmas Eve in a hospital. But that Christmas, I really thought I was going to. But, Derek didint make it till Christmas. He went to be with Jesus a few days before. Oh how I wished then with all my heart that he wouldve still been there and that i wouldve been able to spend Christmas with him in that hospital. Nevertheless a few day later, on Christmas Eve I did g back to that hospital. I took the girls with me and Agu. They were dressed up like angels and we went and sang to the nurses and the doctors that had taken care of my babies...... they couldnt believe it. what does this all have to do with Dying grace? Well, during this whole ordeal, there were time in which I couldnt explain what I was feeling. The serious old doctors could be very matter of factly blurting in my face that my kid was dying, and Id just smile at them. I culdnt believe them. I couldnt accept death befpre it happened. They didnt understand. they thought we were living in dream, and were trying t ignore the facts or that we didnt realise what would happen. One day, I came to the hospital with a beaming smile on my face that it was literaly impossible fr me t erase. I smiled so big that my jaw hurt. I didnt understand why i was smilling so big and felt so happy. All I knew was that I culdnt erase that smile off my face. The day befre Derek died, I told the nurses, that I didnt understand why, but that I didnt believe he was ging to die. i just didnt feel it. They confessed that believe it r not they felt the same. I told them that i didnt know if it was that the Lord was giving me a srt f dying grace for them or what but that I felt so happy despite the grim reality. The next day, Derek went to be with Jesus.

How Can I Keep From Singing
Traditional Shaker Hymn

My life goes on in endless song
above earth's lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
that hails a new creation.

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear it's music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing?

While though the tempest loudly roars,

I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness 'round me close,
songs in the night it giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm,
while to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
how can I keep from singing?
When tyrants tremble in their fear
and hear their death knell ringing,
when friends rejoice both far and near
how can I keep from singing?

In prison cell and dungeon vile
our thoughts to them are winging,
when friends by shame are undefiled
how can I keep from singing?

To my babies

2008-05-12T11:19:00.000-07:00

Into The West

Lay Down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You have come to journey's end

Sleep now
Dream-of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across a distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away.

Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see?
On the horizon.
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises.
The ships have come
To carry you home.

And all will turn to silver glass.
A light on the water
All souls pass.

Hope fades
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don't say
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again.

And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping.

What can you see?
On the horizon.
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises.
The ships have come
To carry you home.

And all will turn to silver glass.
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the west.